Children haven’t had as many life experiences as adults, so it can be challenging for them to contextualise their feelings. Losing their favourite toy is often the first experience of grief kids have, which to them, will feel like the greatest loss in the world – because it is. They can’t compare their feelings to other events to cope and understand what’s happening. This might lead to tantrums and tears – which are difficult to manage, even as a parent.
But we have a few ideas to make this monumental loss easier for you and your little one.
Whilst a lost stuffed toy or comfort blanket won’t seem like a big deal to you, it will feel devastating to your child who has lost something they’ve formed an emotional attachment to. Dismissing the loss as insignificant may make your child feel as if their emotions aren’t important, leading to further upset as they try to make themselves understood.
Taking the loss seriously and giving them comfort will also help children develop the necessary skills to cope with feelings of loss in the future. Ask how your child feels and try to get them to talk through their emotions if they can verbalise them.
If you know the toy is lost in the house or the garden, you can suggest to your child that you go and look for it together. That way, they’ll feel supported by you, and you can make a game out of it to distract your child from their bad feelings – making it into a scavenger hunt of sorts.
This may be more difficult if the toy is lost in public, but still possible. It might give your child another excuse to go to the park or, if it was misplaced on public transport, a chance to go and see trains or buses at the stations and depots as you ask about the lost property.
If it’s a lost cause, you can ask your child what would make them feel better and try to offer that instead. You can even come up with ideas together to avoid losing things in the future.
Sometimes, kids will cope better with the loss if they believe their toy is out there somewhere doing something else. For example, you can say the toy was picked up by another child who needed it and has gone with them to spread cheer to someone else. You could even say that their teddy has gone on an adventure to see the world and write letters to your child from the toy, so they don’t feel like the connection has been completely lost forever.
Draw pictures of it or frame any photos you may have. Having an image of it nearby could offer comfort, even if they don’t have the physical object. You can also talk to your child about their memories of the toy, so they know you find this important too. If you encourage memories like this, your little one may feel more comfortable talking to you about difficult things or their emotions in future because they know you’ll listen.
It might be difficult for children to form an attachment to a new toy, especially if they’re still grieving the old one, so buying a new one right away could lead to further tears. Once it’s become clear to you and your kid that the toy won’t be coming back, and they’ve accepted this, you can offer to buy a new toy. Let your child decide whether they’re ready for a replacement, and if they are, go to the shop together and make it a special day as they choose their next companion.
If you’re looking for your child’s next favourite toy, you can browse our entire Toys collection – created to bring joy to any child.
